Jennys goodbye
by Bonasena
Summary: Director Shepard died in the diner and never got to have a last talk with her partner... but what if she did? I would really like for Gibbs to have one last talk with his partner... so in this story, she survives the diner and is brought to the hospital where she gets to have one last talk with her partner. WARNING: she still dies!


**Note: so I watched Jenny Shepard's last 2 episodes tonight and I thought about how she never got to tell Gibbs so many thinks. To be honest I never really liked Jenny that much. I liked the chemistry and the way Gibbs was so much more a player and a lady's man back then.**

**Anyway, I thought at least our favorite NCIS special agent deserved a proper goodbye with his former partner. So, this is my take on what if Jenny had survived the shootout in the diner. She had been left for dead but didn't die immediately. Spoiler: she still dies, and Leon still comes in and takes over the agency, but Gibbs gets a proper goodbye. IT IS NOT A HAPPY STORY!**

Tony and Ziva arrive at the diner and Tony kneel down next to director Shepard who is laying on the floor. Blood coming from her mouth. A blood pool surrounding her face. He kneels down to check her pulse. At first, he thinks he is wrong, so he checks again. He can feel an alarmingly slow pulse, but there is a pulse. He immediately dials 911 and starts performing first aid to her. as he is doing CPR the director's phone that is laying on the floor next to her starts ringing. The caller ID shows that it is the director's former partner, Gibbs who is calling. Tony picks up the phone to answer the call. He doesn't know what to say when he hears his boss's voice asking for Director Shepard. Even using her nickname, Jenny.

Tony rides with her in the ambulance. She is unconscious the whole ride as the paramedics are working on her. Tony can't stop looking at her. she is laying there on the gurney with all the tubes and wires attached to her body and the oxygen mask on… it terrifies him. he starts to think about all the time she has given him that look, that tells him to stop rambling. The same thing that Gibbs says with the head-slap… director Shepard always said it with her look. Tony would give anything to have open her eyes and give him that shot-up-DiNozzo-stare right now.

Hospital

Tony is sitting outside the hospital room where Jenny is hooked up to all kinds of machinery and wires. He is leaning forward. His elbows are resting on his legs and he is resting his face on his palms. He can hear the heart monitor beeping steadily from the room. It is a good sign. A lot of doctors and nurses are in Jenny's room. Tony choose not to look. He has been staring at the director's pale face and all the blood on her clothing and the blood on her face since he arrived at the diner and found her. He can't look at it anymore. He doesn't want to. He wants her to wake up and going back to be the badass director that he respects the hell out of. Tony even wishes to see all of that playful flirtation he used to see between his fearless team leader and his director. Which he used to make so much fun of… now All Tony wants is to just get to see it at least one more time. And he won't even make jokes about it.

Tony has been sitting on this chair for hours now. He is determined to not leave the directors side again. He left her once, as he was ordered to… Ziva tells him that they were just following orders, when they left the director's protection details has been echoing in Tony's head since he got into the ambulance. The Director was taken to a nearby hospital where she was treated before she was flown to a DC hospital. The doctor had told Tony that she is critical, and it isn't even sure she will wake up or even if she will survive. She took a lot of fire in that diner.

Tony looks up when he notices a familiar pair of shoes standing in front of him and the familiar smell of coffee. Gibbs is standing in front of him handlining Tony a cup of coffee. Behind Gibbs is Abby, Ziva, Timm, Duckey, and Jimmy.

"update DiNozzo," Gibbs says in his usual command tone of voice. Tony knows that it doesn't go unnoticed by his fellow team members that his eyes are red, and face swollen from all the tears, but nobody is commenting. Tony noticed that Abby has definitely cried too and so has Tim and Jimmy.

Tony straightens up and takes a sip of the coffee Gibbs just handed him before he updates the team.

"Doctor says she is critical, and she has sustained severe internal damage from the bullets. They don't know if she is going to survive this." Abby starts crying again and leans into Tim who offers her a comforting shoulder to cry on. Jimmy and Duckey are clearly affected by the news too while neither Ziva or Gibbs don't move or say anything.

"I'm sorry, boss," Tony says and looks over at Gibbs with tears in his eyes again.

"don't DiNozzo. You couldn't have done anything."

"We were following orders, Tony," Ziva says in a cold emotionless tone. It gets too much for Tony who stands up, right in Ziva's face.

"stop saying that. You are not helping. I screwed up. I know that." Tony yells with tears in his eyes. Gibbs stands up and puts a hand on Tony's shoulder to get him to calm down, while Ziva just walks away. Tony and Gibbs sit down on the chairs again. Tony starts crying and Gibbs pulls him in to cry on his shoulder. Gibbs looks up at Duckey with a look. Duckey knows his friend. Duckey knows how effected Gibbs is about this but Gibbs is also a team leader and right now he is putting his own emotions on hold for his team. There will be a time for him to moan Jenny. But that time isn't right now. Duckey understands the hint and leans Jimmy, Abby, and Tim down the hallway and out of the hospital to give Gibbs and Tony some time.

Tony is just letting himself cried. Normally he puts up that class clown façade towards Gibbs, but right now… He can't keep it together and he won't even try.

The door opens into Jenny's room and a doctor comes out and stands in front of the two agents. Tony straightens up and wipes the tears off his face.

"What is the status doctor?" Gibbs asks in a professional way, but Tony recognizes the slight hint of emotion in his voice.

"she is stable… for now. She is not out of the heat yet. Her prognoses look better. There is a chance she might regain consciousness, but in what condition is too early to say." The doctor informs them.

"Can we see her?" Tony asks.

"yes, for a short moment. She needs rest." The doctor says. Tony looks over at Gibbs for permission to go in first. Gibbs gives him a small nod and Tony stands up. He takes a deep breath before he opens the door. the steps in and sees Jenny hooked up to all the wires. She has a tube in her mouth and wires everywhere. It looks worse then he thought it would. The nurses and doctors leave the room and close the door behind them. He takes a moment before he takes a formal step closer to stand at the end of the bed. He stands formally with his hands in front of him like he would if he was to be in her office and she was to sit behind her desk to give him an assignment.

"hallo director… ma'am…" he adds. Tony is mentally slapping himself in the head. He doesn't really know why he asked Gibbs to go in first or what he is even doing here. It is his fault that she is in this condition now. He is probably the last person she wants to see when she wakes up. He is looking down at his hands. He is taking his time to gather his thoughts. Even though she is unconscious he doesn't want to be rude or funny right now. "I know it is against Gibbs rules but…" he says and looks up at her laying in the bed. She seems peaceful at the moment. He is once again mentally slapping himself in the back of the head for thinking she seems peaceful. "I'm sorry…" he finally says. "Ziva keeps telling me that we were following your orders, but… Gibbs taught me to follow my instincts and my instinct was screaming that something was off, and I didn't tail you. I should have. I am… I was the senior field agent on your protection details, and I should have made the decision to tail you or reported to Gibbs… I'm sorry, director. I have always respected you as an agent and as my director. You trusted me… Jenny… I'm… really… sorry." His voice breaks and he feels the tears falling down his face again.

The hospital

Gibbs walks down the hallway at the hospital. He has been informed that Jenny is awake but that she is weak, and she is not out of the critical state yet, due to the severe internal damage she sustained. Gibbs walks into the room where Jenny is laying. Her face is turned away from the door. she is facing the window here Gibbs notice a ray of sunlight coming in through the window, hitting her in the face and gives her face a beautiful color. It gives him a small smile on his face, which hasn't happened since she was found in the diner in the desert. Her beautiful red hair spread across the pillow and he almost senses a small smile on her lips as she is laying there. The sunshine on her face almost makes him forget where she is and why she is here.

"Hey Jen," Gibbs says with his hands deep in his pockets. He clearly doesn't feel very comfortable in the situation. He walks over to the chair that is standing next to her bed. He moves it closer to her bed and sits down. For a moment he is just looking at her. he is trying to gather his thoughts. Trying to figure out what to say or how to put into words all the unspoken things that have happened between them since they first started to work together. He hesitantly reaches over and takes her hand that is resting on top of the cover.

"Why did you always have to be so damn stubborn Jenny?" Gibbs asks and looks over at her. She doesn't respond. He doesn't know why he would be expecting her to, but for some reason, he was hoping she would wake up and tell him he is the one who is damn stubborn, and he was the one who taught her to follow her own head.

"you always knew what you wanted Jen…" Gibbs says and looks down again. "I wish I could have given that to you. " he looks down at their hands. "you have always been there for me. I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most." He looks over at her face. her eyes are closed it mostly seems like she is sleeping besides all of the wires and other medical equipment attached to her. "Jen, why did you protect me? I could have helped you if you had told me what was happening. I could have been there for you."

Gibbs looks over at her partner when her fingers start to move in his hand. Her eyes are flickering. She is slowly waking up.

"Jen." He says surprised and stands up. He presses the button to alert the doctors. "Jen you are in the hospital in DC. You were cut in a crossfire." The doctors come in and push Gibbs away so they can work but Jen is holding on to Gibbs's hand. She is not letting go of his and even though the doctors are standing all around her bed and working on her and talking to her it seems like her eyes are locked on her partner. She seems scared and with her eyes she is begging him to stay with her. he had no intention of leaving her side even if she wanted him to.

Gibbs stays in the room thought out the entire time the doctors are working on her. when they finally have gotten the respiratory tube out of her throat, the first thing she says is: "Jethro." Her voice is low almost whispering and it is raspy, but Gibbs understands it. he steps closer to her and takes her hand again. "right here Jen." Is all he says.

"are you family, sir?" the chief doctor asks once the rest of the medical team has left the room.

"I'm her partner."

"only family is allowed for now. She needs rest." The doctor explains.

"I want him to stay," Jenny says. she is trying to sound demanding and she is trying as hard as she can to speak with her formal director voice, but she can barely get a sound out. Her throat is dry from the tube.

The doctor agrees with a nod and walks out of the room and closes the door behind him. Gibbs pulls a chair over to sit next to her.

"Jethro…" Jenny starts but her voice is low and raspy.

"you don't have to say anything Jen. You are going to be okay and we are going to find whoever hired Viggo."

"It is my fault," Jenny whispers.

"no it is not."

"at least do me the courtesy and don't lie to me, Jethro. I know it is. It was my fault we didn't leave Paris clean. I got Dexter killed."

"Why didn't you tell me, Jen. I could have helped you. why go to Mike?"

"don't you have a rule about cleaning up your mess if I remember correctly?" Jenny asks with a raised eyebrow.

"yes, and I also have a rule about not screwing over your partner." Gibbs reminds her.

"I think we broke that rule long ago, Jethro," Jenny says. the sweet charming sideways smile forms on his face and he nods. "I think you are misunderstanding that rule, Jen."

"I think I am the reason you have that rule," Jen says and they both start smiling. Gibbs nods. "something like that."

"Why didn't you come to me, Jen? Why do you continue to keep secrets from me, Jen?" Gibbs asks. It hurts her, more then the bullet wounds, tor hear how hurt he sounds by the fact that she didn't tell him the truth.

"I screwed up in Paris, Jethro. I couldn't Kill Svetlana Chernitskaya. I couldn't do it and I lied to you about it."

"you are not a killer Jen," Gibbs says and reaches over to her hand. She is trying to pull it away but he is firmly holding on to her.

"I am the director of NCIS and I am a trained field agent who couldn't pull the tricker at anything breathing. I was assigned to take out Svetlana Chernitskaya and I failed and now one of my fellow agents dead and there is a target on you."

"Jen… I don't blame you… I knew from the first moment I saw you that you were not made to kill. You are not an assassin."

"I killed the frog," Jenn admits.

"I know." Gibbs simply says. Jen looks surprised to see his calm reaction.

"so I am an assassin.

"no. there is only so much pain that a person can take and revenge is a human emotion that is very strong and very hard to control.

"the man who killed your family?" Jen asks. Gibbs just simply looks over at her. he doesn't say anything, but Jen and see it in his eyes. she has always been able to read him in a way he didn't always feel comfortable with.

"Jen, why didn't you tell me you are sick?" Gibbs asks. Jen looks over at him in surprise but then realizes it must have been Ducky who told him.

"I didn't want you to worry, Jethro."

"well, I am Jen. That is what partners do. They worry about each other."

"I will be dead within a few months, Jethro," Jenny explains. Gibbs nods. he already knows that. He also knows that she suffered severe internal damage from the shooting and she might not be out of danger from that just yet. But for now, he is just relieved to get the change to talk to his partner.

"any regrets, Jen?" Gibbs asks.

"yeah a few…" she admits. "mostly involves this stubborn hardheaded agent I worked with on assignments."

"yeah I know Dexter was stubborn," Gibbs says with a teasing smile.

"I meant you, Jethro."

"oh really…" Gibbs pretends to be surprised and then cracks in a smile.

"Stop being so damn funny and charming, Jethro." sorry Jen…" he says and throws his hands out in defeat. "I can't control it," he says with a smile. She looks away from him when she adjusts her elf. she writhes in pain when she moves and it doesn't go unnoticed by Gibbs but she is clearly trying to hide her pain from him. he hates that she is trying to be brave for him. He doesn't want her to. He just wishes he could do anything to take that pain away from her.

"How is Tony doing?" Jenny asks.

"he is beating himself up for following your order," Gibbs tells her.

"are you helping him?" Jenny asks. Gibbs looks confused at her. "do you beat him up for it too?" Jenny asks.

"he had a job and he didn't follow his instincts," Gibbs says.

"Don't be too hard on him Jethro. He is a great agent. I put him in an awful position when I placed him undercover to date Jeanne Benoit."

"he is a great man and he grew a lot in that relationship but there is always a problem with this job… when you get too close to other people you risk getting hurt."

"something you learned from experience, Jethro."

"I learned my lesson. I just hope Tony doesn't learn it as effectively as I did." Gibbs says and looks away from her. Jen knows that she is probably the woman who has hurt Gibbs the most. She knows he cares about her and has always done.. not just as an agent and a partner but his feelings are way beyond a professional relationship. Jen has always known he was damage good and that she wouldn't reach the top of NCIS if she was to follow her heart, so she made a choice. Unfortunately, now that she is dying it starts to seem like the wrong choice. Gibbs looks back over at Jen. She suddenly lets go of his hand and she seems disoriented and she doesn't answer when he calls her name. he presses the button to call the doctors once her heartbeat starts to go up rapidly. A team of doctors comes in and starts working on her while Gibbs is asked to leave.

After 3 hours the doctor comes back to Gibbs. Jenny was taken to the operation room for another surgery. The doctor explains to Gibbs that she has severe internal trauma from the bullets and she is stabilized for now but she still isn't sure to survive this. she is brought back into the room and Gibbs walks back into and takes a seat next to her. he holds her hand. He stays with her for the next 4 hours before she starts to slowly regain consciousness. "Jethro…" she says and looks over at him. she seems more tired then she did earlier. Her body is clearly affected by the surgeries. Gibbs knows she should be resting, but he is not going to leave her. "answer one question …" he nods. he can see she is being serious.

"Why did you come back from retirement in Mexico?"

Gibbs doesn't know what to say to that question. He hasn't thought much about it. at first he told himself it was because Ziva needed help and then he realized how much he missed the team, Abby and Ducky and not to mention Jenny. Seeing her in the office again was a great feeling. He would never admit it but when he heard Tony had started calling Jenny for Jenny and not director anymore, he got this little itchy feeling of jealousy. He even called Tony out about it once, but never really serious. He knew Tony would never betray him.

"I… missed my job." Gibbs says. "retirement got boring."

"did you ever consider coming back for me?" she asks. She has such softness in her eyes when she is laying there in the hospital bed so vulnerable.

"Yeah… every day." He admits. "but it would be pointless to tell you." he adds. "you would never be with me anyway."

"I know. Biggest regret of my life. I just realized it too late." She says. her voice barely audible. "it is not too late Jen…" Gibbs says trying to keep the optimism in his voice but both he and Jenny knows it is falls optimism. "tell the team I am damn proud of them." Gibbs nods. "I will." She slowly closes her eyes. "I love you, Jethro…" Soon after her hand that is in Gibbs's secure hands slowly gets lax and the heart monitor flatlines. Gibbs closes his eyes and lowers his head as he is holding on to his partner's hand. "I love you too Jenny." He says barely audible and unaware that Abby, Ducky, Ziva, and Tony is standing in the doorway. They just arrived. At least they got to hear that their beloved and respected friend and director died telling her partner how she felt.

please let me know what you think. it makes my day reading your reviews.


End file.
